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These streetlamps become fireflies, comet-bright
around my head.  I find myself, a rose
between my teeth and promises pricking my
tongue, climbing your trellis.  You and I both
know my reasons: I'll stand there in front of
you, strip to my bones for you, and print "love"
on your eyelids.  What we knew before as
skin is a barrier, collarbones masts,
and your vertebrae and ribs are ladders.
Wide-eyed, we can synchronise our breathing
and the rhythms that our hearts are beating.

Tapping on your window, I lick letters
from the words on my lips.  Through timid night
comes your shadow. The streetlights are spotlights.
©2007-2009 ~surrfant
:iconsurrfant:

Author's Comments

29/01/07, edited a bit on 31/01/07

I've not written anything in about 3 months. Half because of being busy, half because unable/unwilling to try.

EDIT (27/06/07): Embarrassing typo was fixed.

Comments


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:iconshattered1317:
Wow. Your figurative language is amazing. ^_^

--
~Living vicariously throught book characters~
:iconxv-xxi:
You are just so wonderful. This poem is my feelings exactly layed out. I feel like I'm reading from my own head when I read this, only it's more poignant in some ways.

I think the way you write each line to where it can stop for a pause (for the line by it self) but also hooks onto the next line just so is terribly clever.

You're good with casting multiple shades of meaning into your writing. :)

I also like how you repeated streetlights, but changed the metaphors. ('fireflies', 'spotlights')

--
SHELBA-
T R O N
:iconsurrfant:
Thank you very much. :)
:icondragonfly2093:
You're lucky to be able to write love poetry very beautifully...:)
:iconsurrfant:
Thank you, that's quite a compliment.
:icontheangeldefiled:
You're the Master of Metaphors! :)
It's very well written and really touching.

--
"This emptiness I've made my home
Embracing memories of dreams long gone
One last caress from the corpse of love is all I want
Underneath the cyanide sun..."
:iconsurrfant:
Haha, Master of Metaphors. That's a new one. Thankya.
:icontheangeldefiled:
:D *LOL*

I wanted to come up with something cool to describe your writing skills, but since I'm not that creative "Master of Metaphors" was the best I could think of.

--
"This emptiness I've made my home
Embracing memories of dreams long gone
One last caress from the corpse of love is all I want
Underneath the cyanide sun..."
:iconstrawbtea:
wonderful writing.

"Tapping on your window, I lick letters from the words on my lips."

That holds a great meaning. lovely. :)

--
lovely.

Details

January 30, 2007
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